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As a part of this process, I have been examining labels. Whether it's "The Breakfast Club" in high school or "Sex and the City" in my late twenties, I am always trying to find my place. As a naturally square peg in a round hole kind of world, I join in on the "are you a Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, or Charlotte?" kind of conversation. (For the record, I love all the girls in different ways but I am a Charlotte who wants to be a Carrie.)
I have been something of a chameleon in my life -- sensing the group around me and trying to shape myself to fit those around me. I think that this was part of the attraction of acting. Getting to be someone else, putting on another skin and seeing if it fit. For the better part of my 38 years, I have carried this cloak of anonymity. Anonymity because it allowed me to hide in plain sight from all but a very few. So that's why I am here. typing in the dark, night after night, trying desperately to outlast my children's bedtimes and expose my true self. Here I am speaking against that anonymity. This is me and whether there are six of you or six hundred of you reading this, I am standing in my shoes, wearing my skin, speaking my voice. Sometimes it is scary. Sometimes it is fun. But I am going to stick to it because I am growing. I hope that you will stick with me along the way. I promise to be me if you promise to be you.
Friday, September 25, 2009
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2 comments:
Maybe it's something about reaching your 30s - I feel like I'm more myself now than I've ever been in my life. Part of that, for me at least, is Dan, who's thrilled when I strike off in a different direction and encourages all my explorations. But some of it, too, is just reaching a point in my life where I've finally started to realize that if the people I've surrounded myself with are uncomfortable with who I am - maybe I need to surround myself with people who do like me, instead of trying to mold myself to the expectations of people who really don't. It's an ongoing project, of course - I'm a chameleon, too - but I feel like I get closer and closer to the goal.
Yay, thirties! When I was in my twenties, I was really not in my own skin. Just like you, I don't always stay in this skin but I do a lot better. It makes me hope that I'll do even better in my forties. (This is especially so as I don't have much of my thirties left). :-)
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