Day 151 or I'm Good Enough...

Remember the old Stuart Smalley skit on Saturday Night Live. A 12 Step/Self-Help Junkie, Stuart would stare into the mirror and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!" As silly as it sounded, and as silly as he looked, there was great truth in his words.

Wouldn't it be great if someone followed us around saying, "You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you"? I know I could use that. Because some days, I don't feel good enough, smart enough, and sometimes, despite all the wonderful people in my life, I do question if people like me.

I'm not sure why. No matter how much success I achieve, there always seems to be more I need to do. If there is any failing, I hyper-focus on that rather than seeing all that is working. It's like a child bringing home a report card of all As and one C and the parent not acknowledging the As and only criticizes the C. Except that I am the parent now. Doing it to myself. And in a room of friends and family, I will feel the presence of the one person in the room who doesn't like me. And fixate on that.

It's silly but it's worse than that. They say that children learn more from watching their parents than by what they say. So, I can tell my children that they are good enough, smart enough, and doggone people like them until I'm as blue as the bonnets for which Texas is famous but if they see those doubts in me, I am still hurting them.

So today, I'm taking a lesson from old Stuart in his v-neck cardigans and bad dye job (well, at least we have that in common right now!) and each time those doubts come bubbling up, I am going to tell myself that "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone people like me". Because it's not just about me.

And if you ever feel this way, too, do yourself the same favor. And in case you need a little help, I'll do it for you -- "You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone, people like you". I know I do.

Day 127 or Living My Life Forwards

This week, I shook off ten years worth of dust on the book Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Some of you may remember that it was pretty in vogue during the late 1990's as a guide to getting the life of which you dream. I, of course, owned it. For a myriad of reasons (nice use of myriad, huh? I knew that word-a-day calendar would pay off eventually), but most prominently it was a self-help book, it was pink, and Oprah said to buy it. Because you know if Oprah says to buy it, I must.

All that said, it really is a lovely book (did I mention that it's pink?). Its message of gratitude first is one that speaks to me deeply. And it's a day-book which means that I can read it in small digestible bits of time that even I can do now with my two kiddos. But sometime ago, it joined the other dust-covered "self-help" books on my shelf (many promoted by Oprah, BTW). Please don't misunderstand me. There is nothing wrong with any of these books. I have even gotten good from them but at the heart, something was missing. Me. I was missing. I was looking outside of me. I wanted the act of reading the book to magically fix me. Looking back, I'm not even sure I know what needed to be "Fixed".

So back to Simple Abundance. It's a new year which always draws me to that shelf (and the corresponding one in Barnes & Noble) and its cover (you know, the pink one) caught my eye. So I revisited her. And in reading the Foreword, I found this quote front and center:

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. -- Margaret Young

I think that is the journey I'm on right now -- being who I really am, finding what I need to do, and doing it. So I'm taking Simple Abundance off the shelf for a whirl again. I'm not looking to be "fixed". Because I'm not broken. I've just been a little lost. And when you're lost, a map and a compass are pretty useful. And whether this book (or any other, for that matter) can provide a map remains to be seen. But I know this. I have a compass. I always have. It's my heart. And right now, we're heading to True North.