Monday, February 15, 2010

Day 171 or Getting Back on the Horse

Last night, I did something unusual. Except that it didn't used to be unusual. It used to be a very common, almost daily experience.

I walked into a theater. And I auditioned. For a play. With an accent!

And I auditioned at a theater that once was like a second home. A theater where I did ten plays, three children's' plays, taught classes, worked in the box office, house managed... heck if you name it, I did it. And I loved it. I loved this theater. But that was a long time ago. Three cities, one graduate school, and two kids ago. In other words, a lifetime (or two).

As I walked back into the theater, I saw all the current actors of the time. The young girls hugging all their compatriots. The young men slapping each other on the back. And I realized the meaning of the phrase, "You can't go home again".

It's not that I wasn't welcomed. The few that still knew me were gracious. It's just that life moves on. I think that sometimes when we leave someone or something, we expect it to remain the same and in a constant state of anticipation of our return. But that's not what happens. And last night, I walked right smack into that reality.

So I had to meet this audition where I am today and meet this theater where it is today. And the theater is in a great place. It has grown immensely since I left. But have I? It's not an easy question to answer.

Here's what I am feeling. I have grown as a woman. And it is from this personage that I draw my art. And I have shared my art through my teaching. So the well is still deep. But my skills are rusty. It's as if the well has a very rusty crank. It's bringing the water up but it's a lot slower than it used to be. So that's something to work on. And in 2010, I am committing to getting the old tool kit out and start rubbing off some of that rust.

Can't say what will come of the audition. Can't say what part this (or any theater) will play in my life today or in the future. But I'm ready to re-join the rodeo and last night I got back on the horse. My legs might be a little chapped but I can still ride. And for now, that almost as good as winning grand prize.

18 comments:

chitra said...

I am sure you would do well. I am sure you became a wonderful mother and have a wonderful family , All the v best to you. Let all goodness happen to you.

Amira said...

I can't wait to be in the audience for a show you perform in!

ChiaLynn said...

Yay, Traci!

I auditioned for a show here in LA awhile back, at a theatre where we know the owners and much of the ensemble. I didn't get the part (and didn't expect to - the female roles in this show were more or less divided into ingenue and crone, and I'm not suited for either), but DAMN it felt good to take that stage, even for a few minutes.

Sonya said...

I think thats fantastic that you went and auditioned! Please keep up updated on what the outcome is. You should feel so proud of yourself:)

Frau said...

Good for you....I'm proud of you! It's hard when reality slaps you in the face but doesn't mean the end.Kiddos to you !

Nancy C said...

How exciting. I can totally relate---when I left teaching, I thought my school would crumble up and die without me. And yet, it's flourishing. Good humility/reality check for me.

Wisdom improves any art...this I know for sure.

♥Georgie♥ said...

OMGosh HOW EXCITING for you!!! I am beyond happy and hope this pans out!!!

Unknown Mami said...

I can't tell you how excited I got reading this post. I am beyond proud of you! I don't care if you get cast or not, I am just thrilled you got back on the horse.

Tired Mom Tesa said...

Good for you! How exciting and fun. Glad to hear you took the risk and hopefully it will pay off, if not this time then I'm sure it will soon. Good luck!

Life Laugh Latte said...

Exciting to remember parts of ourselves and act on those gifts. Kudos. Holly:)

Together We Save said...

Good for you!!

Keri said...

Hi. You're amazing. I think just the fact that you went and auditioned is AWESOME. Listen to me when I tell you YOUR STILL YOUNG. iT'S totally doable, Great read. Took me long enough to get her but I'm glad I did. Love, Keri (a.k.a. Sam) Please don't forget me and come back once in a while. www.samwich365.com

Wym said...

ENVY! I always wanted to be in a play. New to your blog...looks like fun!

Tracy said...

Traci, wishing you the best with not just this audition, but for putting yourself out there! I'm an aspiring jewelry designer and your post reminded me I should be making some moves myself.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Good for you, my friend!!
You're awesome! I knew it!
betty xx

TamsJewelry said...

Nice blog.I'd get stage fright for sure i admire you.Just wanted to say hello!

Rita A. said...

Wow that is something special. Let us know how it turns out. Good for you! Rita @ http://one2try.blogspot.com/

When did I become my Mom said...

You go, girl. You've taken a great first step to making the old and new parts of your self fit again. I wish you all the best on this new step of your journey!