I love my children.
I love the look of them. I love their smiles. I love, Love, LOVE the way my daughter tucks her hands under her chin when she sleeps and how my son can't help but make a goofy face when a picture is taken.
I love the way they smell. Well, most of the time. I love my daughter's hair after a wash and my son's breath when he blows in my face to prove he's brushed his teeth (when he has actually brushed his teeth, that is!).
But I don't always love the SOUND of them.
I love to hear them when they whisper secrets in my ears. I adore their giggles. I love their little kid dialects. How they shape their words. I love it when my daughter sings -- at least for the first six times I hear the song of choice. I love when my son tells me (in extensive detail) his favorite films and stories.
What I don't love is that building roar when the two are overtired yet insistent that they play together. When there is just a little too much excitement in their voices. They are having fun but I can't enjoy it because I KNOW where this is going. In moments we will descend into bickering, in to the "he hit me", "no, she hit me", so on and so forth. There is a certain pitch and decibel that I have come to recognize as the precursor to the descent. The quick ride down to Crazy Momma Ville.
Tonight I caught myself in one of these moments. The kids are soooo happy. They are playing happily. Whatever may happen later, why can't I embrace this moment? Why can't I enjoy where they are now without worrying where they will be in five minutes?
I think that this is a metaphor for my life. As a mother. As a wife. As me! I need to enjoy the laughter, the craziness, the chaos of life a little bit more. Relax into it. Live it without feeling the need to slam my foot on the brake. I'm so worried of where it might go that I never truly take the ride and find out.
Now in tonight's case, we did dip close to the Danger Zone, but even without my bellowing to cut it out before someone got hurt, they survived. I survived. And I got just a couple more moments to enjoy them. And that makes it all worthwhile.