Saturday, September 5, 2009

Day Seven (Sort of...)

Sort of? Is that really a phrase? I didn't write sorta which I am 90 percent sure is not a word, but sort of? I don't know. Further investigation is required.

Well, this post should have been made last night but a funny thing happened on the way to the computer. Austin, which has been having one of the worst droughts in recent history, suddenly got rain. And I mean lots of it. Water was coming in through our back doors! In the ruckus, there was a great deal of lightning and thunder and we lost power several times. By the time the craziness had passed, my kids were truly wound up. Bedtime took longer, required more cuddles, etc. In fact, I cuddled too well. I cuddled myself to sleep at 9:00 pm. I woke up at 2:30 am in my clothes, arms asleep under each child.

So here is yesterday's post posted today (something like that) and hopefully that will mean there will be two posts today (or else we descend the slippery slope to chaos and I don't want to be responsible for chaos). Now is the question, do I write in past tense or pretend today is yesterday? See, people, these are the frighteningly ridiculous thoughts that pollute my mind. Is it a wonder I need this blog? I will save the topic of perfectionism for another day, however. (Maybe that should be several hundred other days).

Yesterday marked the end of my son's second week in kindergarten. He has a new best friend. He has brought home paperwork. I even brought snack yesterday. It is real. My little boy is growing up. This is the greatest and hardest thing for a parent. If I am doing my job then I am raising him to leave me. But if he leaves me (even for seven hours a day, five days a week), then my "role" as mom is lessened. It was this impending milestone that started this whole process. Now before I get the word from the cheap seats -- yes, I know my son still needs me and I do have a very needy two year old at home. But the point of this rambling monologue is that the day will come that I won't be the center of their universes and what will I be then? How do I balance wanting to be everything they need now and grow myself so there is not a gaping whole after they leave?

Interestingly, I may have gotten the answer from that very same little boy. He has recently discovered the concept of actors and that when he sees people on TV they are not really those characters. His Daddy informed him that I was an actress. My son looked up at me and told me that I should go back to acting. "Really?" I asked. "Yes", he said. "You should put your time and attention to it" (really, he said that!) From the mouths of babes.

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