Thursday, November 19, 2009

Day Eighty - Four or She looks just like you

My daughter is beautiful. I mean it. Actually, both of my kids are gorgeous but my son is a doppelganger for his dad so this is no surprise. But back to my daughter. She's really beautiful. Yes, I am her mom so of course, I think she is beautiful, but objectively, she really is beautiful.

When people tell me she's lovely, I beam. And then they go and ruin it. "She looks just like you". Whaaaaaaat? Visible cringing. That can't be right. Those are two incongruous statements. (Yes, I used incongruous -- been waiting years to incorporate that word-of-the-day.) How can she be beautiful and look like me?

Why do we do that? Right now my daughter feels beautiful, as she should. How do I not F#&k that up???? Once upon a time, I am sure that I felt beautiful. When did that change? It was so long ago that I can't remember a defining moment.

In a world of "ambush" makeovers, we are taught that we're not good enough. If you watch any daytime TV, you know that the fear of being swarmed by well-meaning fashion/beauty attack dogs is evidently a genuine clear and present danger. I love the Dove real women campaign and yet I listen far more carefully to the advertisements that tell me what I need to "fix" myself.

Commercial : Do you have... insert horrible problem here -- deepening crow's feet, uneven skin tone, limp, lifeless hair, sagging breasts, baby bump, etc. etc.?

Me: Why yes. yes, I do.

Translation: Do you suck and need our over-priced product to suck a little less?

Me: Why yes, yes, I do.

So consciously, I get it. Too ridiculous for words. But somehow I am still magnetically attracted to the makeup aisles in CVS as if it was true North. I hate that and I don't want that for my truly beautiful girl. But how? How do I spare her this?

I guess it starts with not cringing when people say that she looks just like me. I have to fix myself so she doesn't learn that there is anything wrong with looking just like me. So we can both smile and say, "You're right. She looks just like me".

P. S. Happy Birthday, Daddy!


Formerly known as Frau said...

Cringing is making you have crows feet...or wrinkles just say yes why thank you!

thatgirlblogs said...

all I know is I've nagged my Teen so much about her weight that I've messed her up for life and I hate that! Just stop, me!

Life Laugh Latte said...

You are so right. Just as quickly as our kids are growing up, we too are growing older. So it isn't like we are just getting used to our new look, that look changes yearly...our shape, our face. I always try to remind myself how beautiful I think my friends faces are, how beautiful the wrinkled grandma with the sparkly eyes is. Beauty changes...I guess that is when the heart can truly start to shine through as we learn to not only accept the changes...but appreciate the well lived life that lead to all of those wrinkles and bulges. Well the post. Holly:)

Claudya Martinez said...

Ugh! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! No one would ever look at you and think otherwise. Nope, not possible.

Mama-Face said...

OH my...I could have written these very words. I have the same situation with my daughter. While I think she is gorgeous, I cringe when someone tells me how much we look alike. Really, if you could see her..she is beautiful. I really agree with this post. Insightful.