Friday, January 15, 2010

Day 140 or Too Nice

I'm nice. I admit it. If there was a twelve step program for being nice, I would be the first to say, "Hi. My name is Traci and I'm a nice person". So what's the problem, you might ask? Isn't it good to be nice?

Well, I always thought so. I was certainly raised to believe in the importance of niceness. (Niceness? Is that a word? It must be because there is no offending red line underneath, so I'm sticking with it.) So back to being nice. I have actually been told that I'm too nice. What does that mean? Too nice. Even Oprah has said that she is not nice. Kind, yes. Caring, yes. But not nice. So what's a nice girl to do?

Maybe worse than being nice. I've been called sweet. In fact, I was once told by a dinner guest that he didn't need sugar for his tea because I was too sweet. Now I know he meant that as a compliment but I still remember that after over eight years and it has always sat funny with me.

So sweet. Nice. Yeah, I answer to them. And truthfully, I like that about myself. It is a big part of who I am. But I have been accused of being annoyingly nice. Or sweet. Choose your adjective. And sometimes I wish I wasn't so nice. Because I want everybody to like me. Everybody. I want people that I don't like to like me. So I shower them with an obnoxious level of niceness. Oddly, this does not seem to make them like me more. I can't imagine why.

When you are nice, people don't expect you to have a backbone. They expect to you to just smile and bear it. (When you're nice, you don't just grin, you smile!) And most of the time, I do. I have received many a cut with a gracious smile. But if I do stand up for myself, people seemed so shocked that I am not being nice, that I often capitulate to regain my nice status.

Television, especially reality television, is filled with not nice ladies. There is actually a show called the Bad Girl Club. And I am not saying that I want to be like them. At least, not most the time. But every now and then, I wish I could be a Bad Girl, look someone in the eye and say what I feel when they are being abusive to me. I wish I could risk being not liked by someone who obviously doesn't like me and be real. Instead of nice.

But nice is the badge I wear. So nice people, unite. Let's take the world by storm with niceness. Surely, our smiles and sweetness will eventually undermine all the false bravado of the Bad Girls. One day we will rule the world. And what a nice world it will be.


Furry Bottoms said...

If you can be nice and sweet, AND still be true to yourself then you have absolutely no problem there.

It is good to have a backbone, like you do. It reminds people that you may be nice but you are still human.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice and sweet and if people find you annoyingly in an overexcess of these positive qualities, there is something lacking in THEM. Not in you. :)

And you know sometimes it is the hardest thing in the world to even be nice. So it is still an admirable quality in my book.

Anonymous said...

I am a nice girl too. it's rough sometimes. Unite!!!

Unknown said...

OMG. I just wrote 'the mother of all blog posts', but cannot bear to actually post it. It feels very good to have 'gotten it out', but i just do not believe that i can do it nicely.
Then i came over here for a 'nice' distraction and well, i think i might link over to your 'nice' blog today.
You said it all so much better.
Thanks for calming me down. LOL

Robin said...

I dont know about others , but I like nice...nice smells, nice clothes, nice weather and nice people..who wants to be around a bitch or a--hole..ya know..Im a new/old follower..I lost my blog (amomwithaview) last week and this is mt newbie...and its NICE to be back..LOL

Unknown said...

I think we could possibly maybe be related...i too am nice and sweet...I wear my badge proudly

Claudya Martinez said...

I'm not nice, but I'm not mean.

mommakin said...

Have you visited Operation Nice?

Sounds like you'd be a good fit.

My sister has come right out and referred to my propensity towards niceness as a 'lack of balls' (something that I do indeed lack, so perhaps it's not an erroneous observation...)

I'm not really sweet. But I'm definitely nice. No apologies.

Liz Mays said...

I'm nice but I'm very guarded and wary with it.

Andrea said...

I'm nice. But I can be b!tchy, too. And if you cross me, look out. But there's nothing wrong w. nice, ya know? So stand tall, or short, like me ... aren't you short like me? Or am I confusing you with someone else? ;)

Lorenza said...

Hi Traci I am back! Happy to be here reading your "nice" post!
I feel there is nothing wrong in being nice or sweet as long as it is your "real you". I dislike it when it is artificial, otherwise I like the Club


Apryl said...

Hi Traci -

Just coming by to say Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest! Enjoyed looking around your blog, and will definitely be visiting again in the future!


Apryl said...

Hi Traci -

Just coming by to say Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest! Enjoyed looking around your blog, and will definitely be visiting again in the future!


itsybitsyknitsy said...

HEY! Thanks for stopping by my blog today!!
I'm too nice too. I have my line that you can cross - and I'll get upset - but it never lasts... i forgive in an instant and am back to being nice again.
I do get some joy out of killing rude people with kidness tho...

AudreyO said...

You know some people have straight hair, they want curly hair. Some people have curly hair they want straight hair. I know nice girls. I know mean girls. I'd much rather be friends with a nice girl. They're the ones who will be there for you. I wish I was nicer. I try...Im' not a mean girl, but I'm not the nice girl. I agree...unite, be proud and wear a badge...because I would much rather know you then the meanies of the world :)

Traci said...

Thanks, guys. It's so "nice" to have friends like you -- those who describe themselves as nice and those who don't. Personally, I like you all.

Mama-Face said...

I couldn't stop nodding my head while reading this. I am NICE and SWEET too...I need to appreciate that about myself more. I want to appear all edgy and cynical...I can't seem to pull it off. Well, I THINK I'm pulling it off until someone tells me how nice and sweet I am.

Let's make some badges, okay?


tattytiara said...

Nice people are taken terribly for granted, and then we wonder why more people don't take the time to be nice.

Tracie said...

I'd much rather spend time with someone who's nice than someone who is not.

Back home they say "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar".

Sara said...

I know exactly what you mean.

I don't like to make anyone uncomfortable or feel bad, so I tend to just let stuff go, and have earned myself a reputation as "nice".

When I stand up for myself, suddenly everyone looks at me like, "Wow, what's up your butt?"

It's a tough badge. I understand.