So in further deference to my husband's exceeding right-ness about going to the doctor, I am feeling human again. Almost immediately after the antibiotics hit the bloodstream, I started to feel a difference. I guess my body was pretty busy fighting this bugger off. Thanks to all of you who have been sending the love.
I was actually feeling better enough that I agreed to go to a baby shower today for my cousin and his girlfriend. They are expecting a baby boy. And looking at the tiny, tiny clothes, it is easy to forget that the boy will wear all of those outfits in a two-day period because he will spit-up all over them. Seeing the brand new pack 'n' play with bassinet, it is easy to forget that the baby will not sleep in that bassinet for any period of time allowing more than the start of a load of laundry or a shower -- not both. And looking at her beautiful glowing face, fully made-up with her cute new Mommy haircut, it is easy to forget that she won't have time to look like that again for a LONG time. In other words, it is easy to forget that I am done having babies.
So, yes, I was feeling the "Babies" a little bit. I then asked another cousin (about 6 years younger than I) if she wanted another baby. She did but thought she wouldn't because she had a lot coming up in the next year or two and she didn't want to be 35 with her second baby. Now my daughter turns 3 next month and this blog is called 38 and Growing so you can do the math! Please do misunderstand. She is a sweet girl and this slight wasn't at all intentional but ow!
Since we have established that I am OLD (and I had two very difficult pregnancies), my husband and I have decided that biologically our family is full. And while we may choose to adopt in the future, for now our baby time is over. I collected my daughter's infant toys and have them ready for give away. I am buying clothes with the marking of "T" rather than "Months". And that's good.
Because when I start getting the "Babies", I look at my no-longer baby kids. While they no longer coo, they are able to say, "I love you". And while they no longer fit in the crook of one arm, they fit very comfortably on my lap. So life is about trade-offs. And being a Mommy is especially about trade-offs. For each baby pleasure I give up, I am rewarded with a hundred new and exciting pleasures of a fully thinking, fully expressive miniature human being. So, I guess it's okay that I'm OLD and no longer in the baby business because I am (and forever more will be) in the Mommy business.
Besides, whenever I find myself forgetting, I remember potty training. That does the trick every time.