Day 245 or Kids Say the Beautifulest Things

Remember that show "Kids Say the Darndest Things"? First, it was Art Linkletter and then it was Bill Cosby. The set-up was that children were asked seemingly innocuous questions and then the children would answer, well like... children.

I sure wish that show was still around because my children would be excellent candidates. I wish that I could remember everything cute that they say but it's impossible. But below is an example of what I would call, "Kids Say the Beautifulest Things".


As many of you know, we lost my FIL earlier this year. On a daily basis, the following conversation happens.

Daughter: Mommy, did (Grandpa) die?
Me: Yes, Baby. Where is (GP)?
D: In Heaven with the angels.
M: That's right, baby.

But this week, the following elements were added.

D: Mommy, did (GP) die?
M: Yes, Baby. Where is (GP)?
D: In Heaven with the angels. He's in the charge of the music.

On another occasion, we were in the car with my son.

D: Mommy, did (GP) die?
M: Yes Baby. Where is (GP)?
D: In Heaven with the angels.
M: That's right.
Son: Mommy, do you know who else is with (GP) and the angels?
M: Who?
S: Tuna Boy (our beloved cat that we lost in December). Tuna Boy loves to dance.

These conversations so touch my heart because we think that kids can't handle things like death. We think that they have no understanding of Heaven and then, as per usual, I learn my greatest lessons from them.

They miss their (GP) and their cat. But when they ask about them, it is never with fear or sadness but with the innocence of a child learning to understand why something he/she loves is no longer with them. My daughter asks the questions EVERY day with the same freshness but each time, her answer is a little more resolved. If only I could be that way in my life with much smaller things, much less on something as profound as death.

Before, I fog up my screen with my mistiness at my own children, I will close with one last observation from my daughter. I think it says it all.

D: Mommy, is (GP) in my heart?
M: Yes, Baby. He will always be in your heart.
D: Is he in your heart?
M: Yes, Baby. Whenever we love someone, they are always in our heart.
D: Oh.... Am I in your heart?
M: Of course.
D: Okay. You're in my heart, too.

Day 211 or Anthony's (and My) Song

Do you ever dream of being rich? I know I have. But recently, I have really begun to focus on what it is that I want in life. And from life.

And life certainly requires money. Anyone who has gone without can tell you that. I have gone without health insurance. And while I have blessedly never been hungry, I have certainly curtailed my food purchases based on the money in the bank. (Thank goodness for Ramen noodles! When I was in grad school, I could get 12 for less than a dollar with coupon. Without Ramen, I may have gone without lunches. I learned how to pack a lunch for less than $1.50) I have lived in famously bad neighborhoods. I have put $2.00 gas in my car with change. In other words, I know that money makes life easier.

And easier can be really nice. So I, like most, have dreamed of the lottery. But today I reflected on what I would want with major money. I was listening to Billy Joel's "(Anthony's Song) Moving Out" and I really started thinking about what I need and what I want. I realized that I wouldn't live dramatically differently than I do now. And that was a real revelation.

Yes, I would love, Love, LOVE to not have to worry that I could pay every bill. And it would be nice to never fear a trip to the mechanic. But there were only a few things that I would really change. And when I looked at them honestly, I realized that with effort and focus, they were doable with or without a MegaMillions ticket.

I want to be out of credit card debt. I want to live by the ocean -- in the SF Bay area would be a bonus, but there is a lot of coastline in this great country. I want to travel. I want to have time to watch my children grow up. I want to work in my field and feel that I am purposeful and fulfilled. Yep. That's about it.

I didn't dream of enormous mansions, or owning the "it" bag. And while I love clothes and shoes, I rather enjoy seeking a bargain out like a missile. To me, that's part of the fun! Basically, I realized that not only did I have everything I need, I have most of what I want.

Even as I type this, I have to take that in! I have most of what I want. WOW! I cannot let that pass without saying a mighty thank you. So I don't have to start from scratch. I can build on what I have. But how to do that? This afternoon as I sang along to my favorite piano man, I had a vision of my life and I want to capture that vision so that I can look at it everyday. I have heard of vision boards but I have never done one. I think, however, that I may try. Try to take what I saw in my mind and give it some kind of physicality. Weight.

Have you ever created a vision board? If not, how do you crystallize your dreams? Do you have a vision for you and your family? Will you know when you get there?

And just in case, its not in your head yet, here's what good old Billy had to say on the subject...

Anthony works in the grocery store
Savin' his pennies for someday
Mama Leone left a note on the door,
She said,
"Sonny, move out to the country"
Oh, but workin' too hard can give you
A heart attack-ak-ak-ak-ak-ak
You oughta know by now
Who needs a house out in Hackensack?
Is that all you get for your money?

CHORUS
And it seems such a waste of time
If that's what it's all about
Mama if that's movin' up then I'm movin' out.

Sergeant O'Leary is walkin' the beat
At night he becomes a bartender
He works at Mister Cacciatore's down
On Sullivan Street
'Cross from the medical center
And-and he's tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac
You oughta know by now
And if he can't drive
With a broken back
At least he can polish the fenders

CHORUS

You should never argue with a crazy mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind
You oughta know by now
You can pay Uncle Sam with overtime
Is that all you get for your money?

Day 167 or Blonde Ambition, Pt. 3, Going back to my roots

So for those of you following my hair saga -- here's the update. I'm fixed! Maybe fixed is not a good word choice -- it sounds like I just took an unpleasant trip to the Vet. How about corrected? That's better but it does bring back images of a stern English teacher. I'll use the word my friend, A, used. Radiant! I feel radiant.

Now I know that I learned the lesson that my hair problems are not hardships, tragedies, or disasters (especially in light of our recent loss), but I would be a Pinocchio style liar if I didn't say that it feels great to not have orange-ish hair anymore! If you saw my Wordless post yesterday, you got a glimpse of my newly naturalistic (notice I did not say natural) hair.

Now here's the kicker. After all this hair drama, my new hairdresser convinced me to put a lot of my own hair color back in and I actually liked it. She basically took my hair back to my roots and just added a pop around my face.

Now, lest you think that this is simply a narcissistic post about my hair, I do think that there is something to be learned here. After all the mess I went through, I looked at my own hair color with new appreciation. Isn't that how life works? We glamorize something outside of ourselves or our lives. We think that what we have is dull and plain. Then we have a chance to play on that metaphorical greener (or blonder) side of life and realize that our lives weren't nearly plain or dull at all. They were radiant.

So with slightly better perspective, I see my hair and my life a little more clearly. A little more radiantly. And for that, I am thankful.

Day 161 or Coming into the light

Hi, everyone. I have begun to come out from under the heavy grey clouds to look for the sun. Thank you to everyone who stopped by and shared the love. I haven't written in a week but every now and then I peeked at the comments and oh, oh how they warmed my heart. Much like the sun that has chosen to shine for the first time in eight days -- metaphorically and atmospherically. I'm not quite ready to be my pithy little self so I'll just share a few more borrowed words but first, let me say this. I am immensely grateful that you have chosen to be a part of my world. It matters. You matter. And slowly, I will get back around to tell you personally.

So once again, I go to my play list to share my feelings. You can't go wrong with George Harrison. Soon enough I will speak for myself but today, I'll let his words carry my thoughts.

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

Day 153 or Once Again...

Dear friends, once again, I come to you for your prayers. Last night, my dear FIL was rushed to the hospital in very bad shape. I am blessed to say that he survived the night but the situation is precarious. So if I may impose on your friendship another time, to raise him in your thoughts and prayers.

I may be away for a while. I will try to post as things settle down. And to all the lovely new friends who came over from MBC, please forgive me if I am slow to retuen the visit. I will be coming by soon. I have been amazed at what an active group you guys are.

Please know that I consider you guys my friends. Bloggy friends are real friends. thank you for your love and support.

Day 145 or Sweet Moments

This morning, I woke up from a heavy sleep still not feeling well (I'm about to give in to my husband's nagging and admit that after two weeks, maybe I need a doctor). And my daughter woke up as the winner of the Little Miss Cranky McCranky Pageant. So the recipe for a good morning was lacking a few key ingredients. Or so I thought.

After a thirty minute debate over the value of Cheerios in milk over a cookie for breakfast, I saw the muffin mix. And it's a decently healthy muffin mix. So I ask if she would like muffins. Yes. Yes. Yes. "Can I help, please, please, please, Mommy?" Despite my urges to get things done as quickly as possible, I said yes. Unlike myself, my daughter loves cooking and I don't want to squash that instinct.

So she pulled up her chair and we made muffins. She watched patiently while I measured the ingredients. In fact, that was the quietest moment all morning. And then she helped me stir while asking questions about the difference between blueberry muffins (her favorite) and banana nut (which we were making). And when I told her that it was time to get down so I may put them in the oven, she didn't argue. She just smiled and said "thank you, Mommy". And I smiled and put the muffins in the oven.

Fifteen minutes later, they were ready. And they were sweet. But not as sweet as the moments around the mixing bowl. It seems that we did have the recipe for a good morning after all.

Day 143 or Remember the Dream and Haiti

Yesterday, I spoke of my little hair hardship as if it were a real hardship, it is not. Years ago, a heroic man named Martin Luther King, Jr. led many a heroic person to fight against true hardship. At soup counters and on buses, brave men and women bore insult and injury to prove that we are all God's creation and all worthy of dignity and respect. And as the truly mighty do, he and his legions of followers did it with the power of truth. Slanderous name-calling was not rebuffed with pettiness of thought or word but with stoic silence. Because the truth speaks for itself. Violence was not returned with the closed fists of rioting but with the open hand of friendship to whomever would walk in the name of that truth.

I salute all the Freedom Fighters. Because when one is oppressed, all are oppressed. And when one speaks for freedom, he speaks for us all. I stand in awe of those who fought battles and died to make this country the realization of its promise. MLK did not live to see an earthly promised land but I know he walks with the angels today. And we may not have fully reached that promised land but we can keep walking. We will one day fully come out of the desert if we can continue to hold out our hands and embrace each other regardless of color or creed, sex or sexuality, religion or politics. When we choose the words of kindness, when we choose the path of understanding, we not only free the other, we free ourselves. Then, and only then, we will truly reach the Promised Land.

Yesterday, I spoke of my little hair heartache as if it was a real heartache, it is not. Today, I read the posting of a woman who lost her daughter one month ago. The daughter was the same age as my daughter. Her heartache was real. Today, I watched a family discuss the loss of their nine year old to someone who was texting while driving. That is heartache. There loss is real and profound and what they lost cannot grow back or be restored. I stand in awe of their strength and grace in the face of real heartache.

Yesterday, I spoke of my little hair disaster as if it was a real disaster, it is not. The people of Haiti are suffering from a real disaster. One that will not fade away as the hair color will. It cannot be managed by a trip around the corner and it will not be forgotten in a week, or a month, or a year when the remnants of the offending color no longer intrude on my thoughts.

Tonight, I watched a woman being pulled out of the rubble after being trapped for over five days. When her husband helped locate her and help finally reached her, the first thing she politely asked for from her concrete prison was a glass of water. Said it would be lovely. The second words from her mouth were for her husband telling him that if they could not get her out in time, she would always love him. They were able to get her out. And when they did, she began to sing. Sing. I stand in awe of this woman and all the people of Haiti who have found strength to sing when there literal world has crashed around them.

So as I cuddled my children in my arms, and smelt their hair, and treasured our freedom, our life, and our safety, I thanked God that my hardships, heartaches, and disasters were relegated to a bad day with hair color. I am mightily. mightily blessed. And with those children in my arms, I heard one of my favorite songs, "Fire and Ice". I have always loved the song but it was made a hundred times more profound to me on September 11, 2002 when James Taylor performed it live at Ground Zero to mark the year anniversary of 9/11. It carries a resounding chorus of loss and hope uniquely intertwined. When I heard its haunting melody, I thought of those parents and their daughters (forever lost from this Earth) and I thought of the Haitian couple reunited after a week of despair and darkness and yet, a deep determination.

So I thought that I would share those beautiful words. Here they are in all their glory.

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Won't you look down upon me, Jesus
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things
to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now

Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now


So, if you are moved as I was and want to help...

Donate to March of Dimes, the sweet angel that left this Earth days shy of her birthday was born premature and this contributed to her death almost three years later.

Take the No Phone Zone Pledge. The beautiful nine year old girl was 15 pedals from her home. The driver did not see her because she was on a cell phone. Oprah has started a campaign and the motto is "Dont tempt f8, That text can w8". This little girl's death was 100% preventable.

And if you want to help Haiti, go to redcross.org or call 1-800-Red-Cross, This country is going to need our help for a long time. Long after a new headline has taken hold. Long after, there are no more rescues.

And prayers. One can never go wrong with just raising another human up in prayer. I know I'll be praying in beseech and in immense, immense gratitude.

Day 128 or Unparalled Beauties

My husband gave me the most wonderful anniversary gift. It is a digital photo frame that cycles through thousands of pictures, displaying four at a time. He uploaded pictures from over our many years including individual pictures, our children and our family, extended and immediate. I especially love that it shows more than one picture at a time because I find myself looking at a picture of my son at six months next to a picture of him at six years. My daughter's birth next to a picture of me at grad school. My husband in Iraq next to a picture of him at the park. It is a living, moving collage of our lives.

When he got it for me, I admit to not being immediately sold. I thought that it was a nice idea but it was a little expensive and it seemed tech-y (is that a word?) but his heart was set on it so I did not argue. Now I catch myself losing time standing mesmerized in front of it. They always say that one see their life flash before their eyes in near-death experiences -- I now have an idea of what that might look like.

The photographer Berenice Abbott said:

Some people are still unaware that reality contains unparalleled beauties. The fantastic and unexpected, the ever-changing and renewing is nowhere so exemplified as in real life itself.

I see that. In watching shot after shot of my real life, I see that. The pictures aren't all perfect. Some are a little out of focus. I am not always having good hair days. My children are pouting in a few. In other words, they are real. In the truest sense of the now terribly abused word. My family and I are not airbrushed and camera perfect as seen on E! and Style and the other presenters of supposed reality. Life is messy but that's what makes it beautiful. This simple gift has opened my eyes to my unparalleled beauties.

Take a moment and look around you. Where do your beauties lie?

Day 118 or How Traci Got Her Joy Back

Wow! I was gone a long time. I just needed a little space after a roller coaster week. Last week truly represented very high highs and very low lows. Thank you to all of you who shared in both of those extremes. I am moved by the love that I received. But as Robbie Nevil sang (way too many years ago!) "C'est la Vie" or that is life. Whether I like it or not, the lows are as much a part of life as the highs.

So yesterday, I started seeing again and by seeing I mean, opening the eyes of my heart. I saw a man whose coat was torn and open to the lining. My jacket is whole, warm, and pretty cute. I saw two young mothers (not unlike myself) standing on a corner asking for help. I went home to a small but cozy, happy apartment with a full fridge and two happy kids. I saw a retail worker in a store quietly cry as she hung up merchandise. She seemed as if she had not a friend in the world. Since I started blogging, I have made friends all over the world. So much like my money moping a couple of weeks ago, I saw that I had so much more high than low. I thanked God for the time we still have with my FIL and the hope we have received there and I thanked God that Tuna Boy was is no pain and had provided so many years of happiness and companionship. And then I said a prayer for those who did not have what I have.

Finally, my son, along with his precious sister, helped me find those joy colored glasses. (I've put a clapper on them so I don't lose them again!) We went to see lights around the hill country and I listened as my children ooooohed and aaaaahed. And I laughed as they obliterated the lyrics of every Christmas Carol. And I thought, "yeah, life is pretty good".

So thank you for indulging me. But I'm back (I know you were all waiting with baited breath). Stayed tuned... I just got my Secret Santa gift last night. Yay! That post to follow shortly and I have an award to give plus I have an announcement. So to those of you who are still coming after my four day hiatus... More is to come!

Day Ninety - Nine or Let it Snow, Let it Snow

Day 99? Is it possible that I am about to turn the corner of 100 days??? Wow!

Well, miracles never cease. Especially Christmas miracles. Yesterday, we were at my parents' house in Houston and it snowed. Really, it snowed. Now there wasn't enough for my kids to play in but enough to make the day seem like something very, very special. As we prepared to decorate our tree, the falling white fluff drew my children's focus from the television to the window (a miracle in itself!) While the snow stopped before the evening, we were feeling cheered.

I was feeling cheered. Yesterday, I crunched the numbers for the month of December and honestly, it wasn't pretty. I would love for you to believe that at 38, I have a healthy savings account and a solid budget but that would be such a big lie that Santa would not come to our house for years to come. My family and I have had a rough couple of years and we are a paycheck to paycheck family. And my budget got slammed by our car. Oh, the car!!! Stop, Traci. Count your blessings. Okay. I am blessed that we own a car. I am blessed that I had the money to fix the car. But that money. Well, it was Christmas money. So I started out the day a little bummed.

Now I know that Christmas is soooooo much more than monetary things but let's be honest, as parents, there is a joy in showering a children with gifts. I just love to give gifts to everyone, not just my kids. And I was already prepared to be creative. And frugal. But frugal just became miser. So I was a little bummed. Okay, more than a little bummed.

But then the snow fell. And that was miraculous. And I was reminded of the true Christmas miracle. And I realized that I am surrounded by miracles every day. So I was cheered. (Read: I got over myself -- I am not hungry. My children are healthy, dressed, and safe from the elements. I love and I am loved. I have more than millions hope for, so yes, I got over myself!)

So we decorated the tree and shared hot chocolate and sang Christmas Carols. And I counted my blessings and my miracles. Whatever is around the tree, whatever comes down the chimney, whatever is, and whatever will be, I am blessed.

Day Ninety Four

Wow! I've been away a couple of days. Got pretty busy in the real world. I also was trying to catch up with my fellow bloggers. I got so engrossed in reading last night that I completely lost track of time. My blog reading list is becoming like the stack of books overwhelming my bedside table. I can't help it. I always do things in overload. But so many bloggers have such compelling stories. Some of you are funny (REALLY funny!), some of you share your losses and your triumphs, and some of you challenge me to live better, treat the world better. All of you inspire me in some way.

So now the holidays begin. I know that I am not alone in saying that this truly is my favorite time of the year. It has little to do with the gifts. It has a lot to do with the spirit of the season -- whether we live up to it or not. I love what the holiday season means -- unconditional love, counting blessings, and sharing our bounty. Even I feel "rich" during these precious weeks and find myself giving to friends and strangers alike. If I could bottle this and carry it all year, I wonder what I would be capable of.

I think we are capable of being our best selves in this season. Whether we light a menorah or a tree, fast all day or place a wreath on our door. Almost every religion and tradition have a major "holy-day" this month. So this is one of those great times when we have more that is shared than is different.

So as I continue counting my blessings from Thanksgiving and look to the short days leading to the day that represents so much love to me, I hope to live fully and well and be a credit to the season -- all of the season. I hope to teach my children that there is more than Santa Claus, animated films, and toys, toys, toys. I hope that they will see that at its heart, it's about love and miracles, and love making miracles.

So here's to the holidays and the "holy-days". May yours be well and enjoyed.

Oh and the music... You knew I couldn't post about the holidays and not mention the music. It's not called "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" for nothing. For me, I can't get enough of Andy Williams and Nat King Cole for the Old-School and either Michael Buble or Harry Connick, Jr. for the nuevo-Old-School. I love, Love, LOVE Christmas music. I start playing it the day after Thanksgiving and don't turn it off until January 2nd. And yes, I sing along. With my kids and without them.

Day Ninety - One or Thanksgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

The cutest pilgrim...

And the number one reason I'm thankful...


God Bless to you all.

Day Seventy - Six or Veteran's Day

We are blessed. We live in a great country. Not a perfect country. The Constitution didn't promise that but it did promise to try to create a more perfect union. In fact, I won't try to paraphrase it. Those boys really knew how to write and here's what they said...

"We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquillity, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

We didn't get here without huge sacrifices of many over the history of our country. I say thank you to all past and present that have made those sacrifices. All of us owe a debt to them and will continue to owe a great debt to the brave men and women of the military.

There are no words worthy so I will simply say "thank you, veterans".

Day Sixty-Eight or Don't Stop Believing

For those of you who don't know, I went to school with some seriously successful, famous people. I say this not to drop names (which I won't do but I assure you that you wouldn't have to Google them) but to explain a little of my journey. When I attended undergrad, I went in to school full of vim and vigor ready to rock the world. There were a few bumps and bruises along the way but when I got into ACT, I really felt that I was on my way to a professional acting career. (Trust me, NO ONE commits to a house payment in student loans for thirty years if she doesn't expect to work in her chosen field!!!!)

So I really wanted a life Acting. Now when I dreamed -- it wasn't of red carpets and magazine covers. I just wanted to act. For. The. Rest. Of. My. Life. I never imagined that the day would come when I didn't act.

Well, life happens. I'll spare you the story. We all have them. But the reality is that I'm not acting. I haven't acted in a LONG time. And some days this hurts!!! And that is a lot of the reason why I started this journey. This blog.

I don't know why lightning hasn't struck for me and has for others. But I do believe that there is a reason (even if the Big Guy upstairs is not always forthcoming). I'm not really a jealous person so I don't begrudge any of my former classmates and acquaintances. It's just that their success is very good at defining my lack of success. To have been on a parallel trail with someone whose life took a very different trajectory posits a clear relief to one's path.

I know...Wa Wa Wa. I have a lot, I mean A LOT, for which to be thankful. That is not at all lost on me. I've said it before, we never know what we would lose if we were to change anything in our life. There is not a role, an award, or a bank account that I would trade for my family.

"Get to the point, Traci!"

"I am running a little long tonight, huh?"

So, what is all this about? I started this journey to help me answer these questions for myself and maybe, rediscover some of that vim and vigor. And I think that something is changing in me. Whether I want to or not, I still believe. I really do. Even sitting on my bed in worn PJs, typing on a laptop that is slowly dying, in the middle of Texas, I still believe. I don't know how. I SURE don't know when. But I believe. Remember the moment when Natalie Wood decides she believes in "Miracle on 34th Street"?

"I believe... I believe... It's silly, but I believe."

It's silly. I know a lot of people in my life that wonder why I don't just move on. But I believe. I believe. It's silly, but I believe.

So in the words of another Journey -- "Don't Stop Believing". I won't.

Day Fifty - Four

They say you should take time at the end of the day to be thankful for at least five things. In my Nyquil haze, I won't ennumerate all my blessings but I'll say that I am thankful my children are asleep safely in their beds, my husband cleaned the house and I am now about to enter the blessed sleep of the mighty green liquid. I am also thankful for this blog which has become a source of sanity, communion, and friendship. I am blessed indeed.

Day Forty - Eight or Riding the Rollercoaster

It's funny (or not so funny) how quickly the car turns on life's roller coasters. Saturday I posted how yummy mommyhood was -- well tonight was not so yummy. Just one of those times when I am feeling under the weather and it's like they smell weakness. The two were either at each other's throats or plotting against me. Well, maybe not that Machiavellian, but if you saw that impish gleam in both of their eyes....

Just as I could actually see the roots of the few strands I hadn't already pulled out of my head turning grey (which should save me money on highlights -- either for the new natural whiteness or lack of volume!), it was bed time. After two library books taking WAY too long for a frustrated mom, fights over who can cuddle on Mommy's right side (I'm guessing my left side is somehow less lovable), and cold milk poured down my leg, we settled in for cuddles. And stomach blows. And "I love you" lists. And then the ride started clicking its way back up to dizzying, glorious heights.

I know that it will swoosh down towards the abyss again but that's part of the ride. And part of life. Twists and turns. Laughs and screams. Thrown necks and upset stomachs. Ups and downs.