Day 132 or My Other Love

Well Mr. Words and I had words. I walked out last night -- actually I crashed out at about 9:30 trying to get my insomniac daughter to sleep -- so we were on the outs last night. But today we are talking. You know that stiff, not sure where you stand kind of talking, so tonight, I thought that I would tell you about my other love...

Lists. Yes, you read that right. I am completely in love with lists. I make twenty a day. Easy. While I am trying to be much greener in 2010, this is a tough habit to kick. In my defense, however, I do re-use a lot of things for my lists -- old envelopes, used paper bags, etc. But I have got to have my lists. I've tried using Excel and other spreadsheet options to save paper but it's just not the same as the feel of writing it down.

Now you are probably asking -- what kind of lists are you making, Traci? That is if you haven't fallen off your chair laughing or abandoned me for a saner, non-list-writing, tree-killing blogger. I list everything. Mostly because I love checking things off. I love that little feeling of accomplishment. So whether it is a grocery list or a to-do list, when I check out the item, I feel like I have "done" something.

Now you might be thinking, "that's not so weird, Traci" or "lots of people make lists, Traci", or (more realistically) "what's the big deal, Traci? do you really think this is a blog-worthy topic?" But I mean it when I say that I list everything. If I need to clean the bathroom, I don't just list Clean Bathroom. Because what if I don't finish that day. (Very real possibility, sad to say) Then I can't check off anything. Which basically stinks. I don't feel like I've accomplished anything, But if I list Clean Counter or Mop Floor, then I can check those off. And Oh! how I love to check off. And if I do succeed in finishing the bathroom, I have five or six lovely checks as opposed to simply one.

I list things for my children (who can't read them) and my husband (who won't read them). The only thing I don't list is sex. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe my husband would read the list if it included that.

Oh, well now you know. It's just another thing that makes me "me" (read: a big dork!). Hopefully, Mr. Words will get lonely, sweep me back off my feet, and I will no longer be left with just my lists.

Day 130 or Don't you hate it when....

Don't you hate it when, you had your entire blog written in your head but you were in some way unable to act upon it, e.g. driving, showering, and later in a moment of seeming ease, you were unable to recover those same words that flowed so beautifully in the inopportune time? When you are merely taunted by the memory of writing the post not the post in itself? Oh, yeah? Me too.

It happens to me all the time. Whether it is my blog, an idea for a story, or a scene in a screenplay. Without any effort at all, it will flow over me like a wave. But just like a wave, it will often pull back when I'm trying to capture it.I never seem to have the words when I need them. It's like when I am insulted or teased. I am the one who stares back at the offender and come up with nothing more pithy than "Oh, Yeah?" hoping that my eyes are effectively withering. Later that night, however, I will wake up from a dead sleep with the perfect comeback. I have never been brave enough to call in that moment so you see how the interruption to my sleep is not helpful.

Words and I have a dysfunctional relationship. If he was my boyfriend, I might require a Dr. Phil style intervention (can't do Oprah, she doesn't do that kind of show anymore). Words is an inconstant lover. He is the boyfriend who comes over for a booty call at 2:00 a.m. after "Last Call" but won't meet your parents. I love him or hate him. Basically, we are either Air Supply's "Even the Nights are Better" or Neil Diamond's "Love on the Rocks".

And tonight, love is on the rocks. The cursor blinks. I am sure that at some point today, I had words of insight and beauty to share. But as the Neil man said, "not much you can do, when the feeling is gone". So that's where we stand tonight. Hopefully tomorrow I will be back doodling hearts over Words' name and writing Mrs. Traci Words over and over on my notebook but for tonight, I'll just have to say goodnight.

Day Seventy - Seven

Today would have been my brother Will's thirty-fifth birthday. I hope that they are bringing down the house in Heaven. Love you, bro.

Thinking about him brings me back to my childhood and one of my favorite songs WAY back then was "Sing" by the Carpenters. (It was used on Sesame Street and has a great kid's chorus!)I had it on both a 45 and a long-playing record. I heard it again this evening for the first time in years. I was singing along, as I have already admitted that I do, and all the words rolled off my tongue as if I was still six and singing on my driveway imagining that a limousine was going to pull up and whisk me away to the life for which I was destined. Playing Annie on Broadway, of course. Funny thing. They did not find me at the end of my horseshoe shaped road in a rural subdivision on the outskirts of Austin. They managed to find Sarah Jessica, however. Go figure!

So back to "Sing" which I was doing. Likely out of tune, but let's ignore that. Back to the words.

Sing. Sing a Song.
Sing out loud.
Sing out strong.

Make it simple
To last your whole life long.
Don't worry that it's not good enough
For anyone else to hear.
Sing. Sing a Song.

Really good words (even if set in a very cheesy 70s major chord chorus, verse, chorus set-up). So whether it's writing a blog, writing a novel, or actually singing a song... don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear. Just sing or write. As Nike said so many years ago ... just do it.