Day 231 or To Be or Not to Be...

A Mommy Blog.

As the Ultimate Blog Party comes to a close, I have really thought about 38 and Growing. Where I started and where I have evolved with this little blog.

I was sitting here staring at my screen about to write the brilliant things that my daughter said to me this morning or to tell you about last night. The night wherein I was sitting on the floor crying after having put my daughter in time-out for the fifth time. Or taken away three of my son's dominoes (too long to explain -- basic answer, these are valuable commodities in our home!).

I was about to write all of that when I said to myself -- "Hey! When did you become a Mommy Blog?" Now wait! Before you run off thinking that I have a problem with that moniker -- I am participating in the 5 Minutes for Mom party after all. I love my kids. I love being a mom. I love writing about being a mom and hearing from other moms.

It's just that it wasn't how I started this journey. It was about me. Me. Me. Me. (Okay, that was obnoxious but you get the idea!) And that is part of being a mom. You give up a lot of your journey to ride along with your children on the most amazing journey of them all. But it is also, part of life for all of us. We think we know where we are going and suddenly find ourselves somewhere completely different! I guess I should have taken that left turn in Albuquerque.

So sometimes I am a Mommy blog. And sometimes I am not. Sometimes it is about me. And sometimes (read: a LOT of the time) it is not. But this is my journey. And as much as I sometimes would like to, I cannot extricate the Mommy from Me. I just have to remember the Me in the Mommy!

Day 227 or UBP,May I Introduce Myself

Hi Everyone. For those of you who have previously joined me over the last 226 days, please forgive me for any boring, seemingly repetitive information -- well, not seemingly repetitive, probably actually repetitive. Nonetheless, please bear with me. Don' run away screaming or worse, skulk away as if you were never here (yes, I used skulk. I knew one day I would find an opportunity to use a 13th century Scandinavian word. Pretty good for a little Texan girl. But I digress -- don't do it. No skulking!)

So for those of you still with me, here's the Reader's Digest story of my life in the blogging world. About a month after turning 38 (hence the title), I found myself a SAHM in a new town. I say found myself which is ironic (not in the Alanis Morisette way) because I was very lost. I had not succeeded in the dreams of my 20s yet I had a good life. I was blessed with a fabulous family but I had nothing that was challenging me, driving me. And I had aways been driven. I'm a famously hard worker. So besides volunteering for WAY too many PTA committees (See here), what was a girl to do?

So on a girls' night with my best friend of almost 30 years, I saw the film, "Julie and Julia" and I saw something in myself in both of the women. They were women that had a lot in life but no direction, no sense of themselves in those lives. So Julia started cooking (SOOOOOO not gonna happen) but Julie started a blog and I thought "I could do that!" So I did. I started a blog. Just like that. On a whim. And basically, my husband and brother read it.

Then I got brave and told some old friends. And a few read. But one very special friend from one of my many former lives (Unknown Mami) told me a funny thing. She blogged, too. For some of the same reasons. And for reasons of her own (the beauty of blogging). And she taught me how to find other blogs and helped other bloggers find me. She taught me etiquette. But mostly, she taught me that the blogging world was safe and for that I am forever grateful to that beautiful unknown mamasita in the MOST beautiful city in the world. She knows this already but I truly left my heart there.

So I started to see people's names show up after my posts. And these names had things to say. To tell me that my hair wouldn't be orange forever, that I am NOT the worst mom in the world, that the pain of loss would pass, and that somehow I mattered in this world, in THEIR world. Wow! If you knew what a softy I was, you'd know that I am crying now. Literally right now -- salty keyboard, yuck! Oh and I am listening to Barry Manilow which doesn't help. Mandy gets me every time.

So that's it. Over time, I have made beautiful friendships, I have gotten to know myself a little more. I have gotten braver and I am finding myself a little less lost (slightly less ironic use of finding). I ramble. I am goofy (well established!) I am an imperfect mom, an out-of-work actress, an aspiring screenwriter (and actress, still, despite all logic or sense of reality), a lover of books with no time to read, and most days, pretty nice. So that's my intro. If you're not frightened off, great! Stay and have some fun. If you're on the fence -- read here (it's all the scary things you should know up front). And if you now feel like you have wasted precious minutes of your life (especially if you clicked any of the links), well I can't exactly blame you. I am not every one's cup of tea. But as I approach 39, I have finally become MY cup of tea.

Oh, and if you are not bored with me yet, I review kid's movies over at I'd Let My Kid See That and my husband and I are trying to live a little greener over at Cold Comfort Living.

Mommy Needs a Time-Out Pt. 2.1

To my non-mommy friends, just because your foes are not pint-sized terrors doesn't mean that they can't make you Looney-town. We all have someone or something that makes a straight-jacket look really cozy. We all need a time-out sometimes from a boss, a boyfriend, a parent. So I say to you, thanks for listening to my mommy vent. You, too, are not alone. None of us is alone.

Day Sixty - Seven or Mommy Needs a Time Out Pt. 2

So thanks to everyone who stopped by and let me know that I wasn't the worst mom in the world.

Had a better day -- not perfection pie but way better than yesterday. There was only one time-out necessary and it was reserved for the two year-old. I maintained a reasonable decibel level and that voice that erupts from the third ring of hell never once crossed my lips. In my world, that definitely represents growth.

My mother would probably like me to interject here that she did not laugh at all. It turns out that there is a long history to the Mommy time-out. My mom told me a story of a monumental tantrum I threw when I was about my daughter's age. She said that I threw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming hysterically. Shocked, she immediately retrieved the child-care bible of the time -- Dr. Spock. (As a child, I thought that my mother was making choices based on the advice of Leonard Nimoy!)

So the book said that she should diffuse the situation by leaving the room. So she dutifully followed the instructions. She went into the kitchen. And I dutifully followed. She said that I instantly stopped crying, stood up, followed her into the kitchen and immediately began the tantrum again. Huge hysterical tears, and all. So she again obeyed the good doctor until the only room available was the bathroom.

She locked herself in and evidently, I threw myself on the floor yet again and screamed through the crack on the floor. Finally, at a loss, she called my grandmother who recommended that she apply the Dr. Spock book to my rear. She did not follow the advice to which I am grateful, but you get the point. I literally chased my mother into a bathroom!!!!

It's amazing how powerful such little children can be. But something that I was reminded of the last two days is how powerful fellow mommies can be. When you are locked in a bathroom (or any other room in the house) hiding from your own kids, it is easy to feel VERY alone. But I was not. My mom was not. None of us are alone.